Respecting Choices and Supporting Change, Even When It’s Not About Us
Not every policy, decision, or system affects advocates and families in the disability community the same way. Some barriers are easy to miss when you are not the one navigating them every day. Real systems change and strong communities cannot be built only around what impacts us personally, they’re built around how we show-up for one another.
Respecting each other’s choices is a good place to start. Families and advocates make decisions based on their lived experiences, their needs, and personal priorities. What may seem unnecessary or confusing for someone on the outside may be essential for those who are living it. Respect doesn’t always mean fully agreeing with someone, it means trusting that people know what works best for their own lives. This is what being person-centered really means: pursuing what is right for the unique person and their unique wants and needs.
We can see this clearly in the different service paths that individuals/families choose. For example, one family may choose a provider-managed setting for day or residential services because the structure, shared social connections, and coordinated services bring peace of mind. They know their loved one is supported by a team, and it allows them to balance caregiving with work, health, and other family responsibilities. Yet another family may choose self-directed options because having greater flexibility and control feels essential. They want to hire people they choose, adjust supports as needs change, and be able to step in more directly when needed. From the outside, it can be easy to wonder why every family doesn’t make the same choice, but both decisions are deeply personal, made with care, and shaped by real-life circumstances. Respecting choice means honoring that even different paths can both lead to meaningful community-based lives.
In the disability community, choices are often shaped by systems. Policies, funding structures, and service models can sometimes limit available options. When those barriers don’t affect us directly, it can be tempting to look past them, but doing so can unintentionally reinforce systems that aren’t working for everyone. That’s why your advocacy matters! Our community is strongest when we stand alongside one another, even when an issue doesn’t impact us or our own family directly. Progress has always depended on people being willing to care beyond their own immediate needs.
Progress happens when we keep an open mind, continue to learn, and take small steps together. It starts with respecting each other’s choices. When we support people who are addressing challenges in a way that works for them, we can help build a future where respect isn’t the exception, it’s the standard.
